STORY TIME: Hitchhiking Is Terrible When Only Clown Cars Pick You Up

Everyone wants to see clowns come out of a really small car.  People love when that happens.  

The only time when the clown car gag is not 100% hilarious is when you are hitchhiking.  

Hitchhiking in 2017 America is already perilous.  No one wants to give you a ride.  Everyone thinks you are a crackhead, or a murder, or perhaps something more sinister…a vlogger maybe.  

I am not a vlogger nor am I a murderer.  

I am just a regular person who needs to get to Tacoma.  However, the only rides I seem to get are from clown cars.  

Have you ever shared a backseat with thirteen sweaty clowns?  It's awful.  I have never felt more cramped in my life.  Oh yeah, also clown cars don't have AC.  That's the one thing they don't tell you about clown cars.  They strip the interiors of the cars so they can fit in more clowns. 

It absolutely SUCKS.  

Don't get me wrong, I'm happy about the rides.  I wouldn’t have gotten this far without them.  I just wish SOME of them weren't in clown cars.  

Another thing that is bad about my situation is that it's hard to remember all the names of the clowns.  Six of the clowns are named Bozo.  The rest of the clowns have variations of the name Bozo.  One of them is named Heinrich Böll.  Heinrich is an easy clown name to remember.  

The clowns sleep in the car.  This is another factor I did not anticipate dealing with.  Pillows, Nyquil, CPAP machines.  They all take up a lot of room.  Also, each clown has his or her own toiletry bag.  Even travel-size toiletry bags can add up in a confined space such as a clown car.

I’m also mad about clown-smell.  Clown-smell is the name I have for the smell of thirty-seven clowns speeding down on the highway to Tacoma.  Clown-smell is part makeup, part sweat, and part unmistakable stench of decay that only comes with years of clowning.

I never want to see a clown again in my life.  Heinrich keeps asking me if I want to become a clown.  I’ll think about it once I get to Tacoma.  It’s either that or start vlogging.  I’m desperate.

Alas, you know what they say, "Life is a Highway."  For me, the road is paved with clown cars.

THE END