STORY TIME: Tommy Lasorda Keeps Showing Up At The Batting Cages To Taunt Me

I've been a Dodgers fan all my life.  I grew up watching those guys.  They are my team, through and through.  Who could forget seeing the Dodger pitching tame the Oakland A's sluggers in the 1988 World Series?  As a kid, I idolized Kirk Gibson for his iconic walk-off homer in Game 1.

So naturally, I was pretty taken aback when famous manager Tommy Lasorda showed up to my local batting cages.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I initially started going to the cages to blow off some steam.  I love getting in a few swings in after work.  My friend Sanjaya sometimes goes with me.  We each have a couple brewskis and take turns hittin' the hardball.

One night after Sanjaya went home, I stayed a bit later to get some more swings in.  Out of the corner of my eye, I see an old man leaning against the outside of the cage.  I didn't think it was Tommy at first.  I thought it was just some old guy who liked watching batters.  Then I realized it was Lasorda.

I was in shock.  Obviously, I wanted to show him what I could do.  I hit every pitch with the voracity of Kirk Gibson.  After the session, Tommy took me aside.

"Listen son, you have potential.  I could see you getting some attention from scouts.  I'll set a meeting up with the Dayton Dragons.  How does moving to Dayton sound?"

"Uh, come again?"

"Baseball, son!  Baseball.  I want you in the pros kid."

"I'll do anything if it means playing ball again!"  I replied.  "Do you really mean that?"

"No, asshole.  I'm just messing with you."  Tommy Lasorda laughed and laughed.  I nervously laughed with him.  Sure enough the next day, Tommy Lasorda was there.

Every time Sanjaya or I took the plate.  Tommy was there.  I couldn't explain it.  Mostly he would watch but he would also give us pointers every now and again.

He'd say things like, "Good eye", and "Keep that elbow high!  High, that's better!"

Then things turned belligerent.  One day Tommy showed up drunk.  "You call that a swing you pieces of human garbage?"  Tommy hurled insults at Sanjaya and I.

"We'll get better, Tommy.  I promise."  I replied.  Over the next several months Tommy Lasorda taunted me.   Every time Sanjaya and I were at the cages, Tommy just showed up, mad as hell.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"You're terrible!" Tommy yelled one day, "I've seen better batting from the Mets!"

"Sir, we're just doing our best."  I explained.  "We're not professional ballplayers."

"No shit."  Tommy said, "You two are the lousiest batters I have ever seen in my whole life.  You expect me to watch this crap?"

"Tony, sir," Sanjaya finally spoke up, "with all due respect, no.  We don't expect you to watch us," he said.

Tommy replied, "Don't you want advice from one of the league's best managers?"

"No, Tony!" Sanjaya yelled, "I don't like you.  I think your annoying and I don't like the Dodgers!  I just want to blow some steam off after work, Tony!  I'm tired, man.  I hate my job and I'm not about to take crap from Tony Lasorda!"

"Tommy." I corrected.

"Tommy, Tommy Lasorda, right.  Who cares."  Sanjaya stormed off.

"Do you boys really feel that way?"  Tommy said.

"No, Tommy.  He didn't mean that.  Sanjaya...he'll come around on the Dodgers, I promise."  Tommy had tears in his eyes.

"Can I tell you something son?"

"Sure, Tommy." I replied.

"You boys have given me some of the best memories of my life."

"Really?"  I replied, "What about the World Series?"

"Do you think I care about that?  Do you think I gave a rat's about Kirk Gibson?"

"Uh, yeah.  It seemed like it."

"Well I didn't.  I didn't want to be manager of the Dodgers.  I walked in the clubhouse by accident in the 50s and they assumed I was the manager.  I could have been manager of a Pizza Hut for all I cared."

"Really?  I can't believe this.  Tommy Lasorda hates the Dodgers?"

"You betcha, son.  Can't stand the pros."

"Wow."

"You know what I really care about?  I care about helping a few young guns with their swing.  I like watching guys blow off some steam at the cages, ok?  If that's so wrong then I don't want to be right."

Then Tommy Lasorda died in my arms.  I took two baseballs and put them over his eyes.  Sanjaya ended up winning American Idol because of this.  Weird couple of months for me.

THE END