STORY TIME: My Pet Rock Wants To Kill Me

I'm afraid to fall asleep tonight.  I hate knowing he's watching, staring with his blank eyes, waiting.

I'm talking about my pet rock of course.

Last weekend I took home a rock from a magical beach.  At the beach were all these signs saying, "Turn back.  Stay away from this magic beach," and "Whatever you do, don't take any of the beach stones from this magic beach."

So, I shrugged and took a stone from the beach.  The stone looked cool so I made it my pet.  I painted eyes and a nose on him.  I glued ears on him so he could hear.  I gave him a menacing smile.  My magic rock had all the trappings of a great pet.  I even gave him a name.  I named him Rocky.

So at first, Rocky and I were the best of friends.  I took him to the local fencing school and we took fencing lessons.  Then I took him to see some local theater.  We saw MacBeth.  I thought the performances were quite good.

As it turned out, these were not good activities for a magic pet rock.  On the ride home, Rocky started getting ideas.

My pet rock practiced swordplay the entire ride.  Every time I asked him to put his sword back in his sheath, he refused.

Then when we got home my pet rock started calling me King Duncan.  I decided to stop this violent streak in my pet rock by showing him the lighthearted comedy film Ace Ventura Pet Detective.

This movie is a comedy film centering on a fictional football team known as the Miami Dolphins.  After we watched the film, I pleaded with my pet rock to spare my life.

Eventually, I have to go to sleep.  Then my pet rock will strike.  Until then I am safe.

THE END